Pieces of Me

Parenting is quite a journey: ups, downs, smiles, frowns. For the most part, I 'signed up' for most aspects of the responsibilty and the honor of becoming a parent, but where is the handbook for the parts of parenting that I didn't sign up for? Where are the 10 steps to overcome these difficult times? Where are the how to's for when the unexpected happens?

Jerry and I were watching tv last night, and about an hour after Jerry tucked in the girls and kissed them good-night, out walks Mariah. From just the glow of the television, I looked into her eyes. They were red, puffy, teary, and bloodshot. My heart sank. I immidiately realized that she had been sobbing for an hour, since we turned out the light and told the girls "I love you." Her tiny body was shaking and she attempted to talk in between deep, choppy breaths.

As I gazed into her eyes, my heart continued to sink. I saw a piece of me when I was a little girl in her.

I saw a piece of me in her.
I saw a piece of me in her.

All I could do was hold her. I want to hold her forever.

I didn't sign up for THIS part of parenting. I didn't sign up for the days when my children break my heart. I didn't sign up for the days when I can't put my child's heart back together. I want to kiss her and make all her boo boos of life go away.

As my heart fell to pieces, I fell to my knees...and didn't and don't know how to pray.